


Deleted Pages

by leecalmdown



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Blanket Permission, Episode Tag: s05e16 38 Across, Established Relationship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Orgasm Denial, Pegging, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Polyfidelity, Screenplay/Script Format, peg pegging peggingly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leecalmdown/pseuds/leecalmdown
Summary: HAWKEYE: So tell me.BJ: Tell you what?HAWKEYE: Tell me what you think about.BJ: What I think about?HAWKEYE: You know, when you…He makes a vague hand gesture.BJ: Oh, come on. You just said I’m not allowed to--HAWKEYE: (smugly) I know. But if you could, who would you be thinking about?
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, B. J. Hunnicutt/Peg Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Peg Hunnicutt & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 15
Kudos: 55





	Deleted Pages

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Darling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22981687) by [DarthAbby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthAbby/pseuds/DarthAbby). 



> PSA!!!! IMPORTANT!!!!: Please click "Show Creator's Style" above the header, otherwise this fic will be formatted like absolute garbage, and probably won't make any sense. Thank you!
> 
> A million thanks to the M*A*S*H Discord, especially the NSFW channel.
> 
> This fic is essentially a synthesis of @DarthAbby's idea of the Hunnicutts talking dirty to each other via invisible-ink letters (which is pretty much canon, I will Not be taking questions), @daylight_angel's snippets where Peg and Hawkeye don't let B.J. come for days on end, and my inability to make action sound as nice as dialogue. 
> 
> If anyone wants to translate this into normal fic-ese, you're more than welcome to do so!

INT. SWAMP - EARLY AFTERNOON

HAWKEYE and BJ are resting in the Swamp on one of those days where nothing seems to happen. We see BJ in a grey sweatshirt with cutoff sleeves, recumbent in his cot, reading a letter from Peg, and HAWKEYE in his standard lounge wear - t-shirt, fatigues, red corduroy robe, boots - seated criss-cross at the edge of his cot, knitting a sleeve for a sweater.

BJ

Peg says hi.

Hawkeye

Really?

BJ

Yeah, she said to give you her love and to say that she’s-- hold on--

BJ sits up and squints at the letter.

Hawkeye

(mild concern)

She what?

BJ

She says to go ahead with that thing you two talked about. What thing?

HAWKEYE’s typical smug, “I know something you don’t know” smile creeps onto his face.

Hawkeye

Oh! _That_ thing!

BJ

What?! Tell me! Is this from that note she wrote you last week? The bit she marked as “for Hawk’s eyes only”?

Hawkeye

Mm-hmm!

BJ

What? What did she tell you?!

Hawkeye

(innocently)

Nothing, nothing! She just told me about this game she says you two like to play sometimes.

BJ

What game?

HAWKEYE smirks at him, waggling his eyebrows. Realization starts to dawn on BJ’s face.

BJ

I think I know what game you mean.

Hawkeye

Do you?

BJ

I think I do.

(beat)

So that rendezvous in Supply we had planned for Thursday night?

Hawkeye

Oh, that’s still on! But you probably won’t enjoy it as much as I will.

BJ

(discreetly)

And if I were to wake up in the middle of the night and need some… self-soothing to get back to sleep?

HAWKEYE shakes his head.

Hawkeye

No can do.

BJ

(groans)

Remind me why I let you two do this to me?

Hawkeye

Because you know how good it’ll be once we let you give it up.

They share a knowing look, and BJ lays back down, capitulating.

Hawkeye

So tell me.

BJ

Tell you what?

Hawkeye

Tell me what you think about.

BJ

What I think about?

Hawkeye

You know, when you…

He makes a vague hand gesture.

BJ

Oh, come on. You _just_ said I’m not allowed to--

Hawkeye

(smugly)

I know. But if you could, who would you be thinking about?

BJ

You’ve got to be kidding.

Hawkeye

You don’t have to be bashful, Beej. I know it’s me.

BJ

It’s not you!

Hawkeye

(outraged)

It’s _NOT?!_

He marches over to BJ’s side of the room, ready to rant.

BJ

Well, okay, it’s not just you.

Hawkeye

Who else could it be?

BJ

Are you nuts? It’s Peg, you dummy.

Hawkeye

 _Ahhhh._ See, if I’m gonna be billed second in your fantasies, I’ll take your wife over Hedy Lamarr any day. (beat) Speaking of taking your wife…

BJ

Uh-uh. Not happening.

Hawkeye

Dammit.

BJ

If anything, Peg would be the one taking _you._

A smile slowly creeps onto HAWKEYE’s face. He drops into a chair near BJ’s cot, crossing his legs.

Hawkeye

Uh-huh. And how’s that?

BJ looks sideways at HAWKEYE, who’s clearly already affected by the mere concept. He seemingly turns his attention to the sock he’s darning, but lowers his voice seductively.

BJ

Y’see, she’s got this fantastic little contraption. I haven’t the faintest idea where she got it, but one day, I’m washing dishes, and she comes up behind me and… _presses_ herself against me.

Hawkeye

And?

BJ

(beat, teasingly)

Nah, you don’t wanna hear this.

He sits up to leave, but HAWKEYE stops him.

Hawkeye

(tensely)

_Beej._

BJ looks down. HAWKEYE’s legs are uncrossed, and his cock is hard in his pants, as hard as he’s ever seen it. BJ grins slyly, looking Hawk in the eye again.

BJ

Oh. I guess you _do_ wanna hear this.

HAWKEYE nods, a desperate look on his face. BJ may be the one who’s not allowed to get off, but he has Hawk in the palm of his hand. He looks around, hoping no one is watching, and leans back again, never breaking eye contact.

BJ

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t able to speak for ten minutes, at least. I just turned around, and dropped to my knees right there in the kitchen. Thank God Erin was at her grandmother’s.

Hawkeye

(laughing nervously)

Yeah, really.

BJ pauses, looking intently at HAWKEYE.

BJ

I’d love to see you like that. On your knees in front of her, desperate. Sucking her cock like it’s your job.

Hawkeye

(moaning)

Jesus Christ, Beej.

BJ

I’d be right there behind you. Kissing her or playing with your hair. Holding it back so it doesn’t get in your eyes, I know you hate it when you get distracted like that.

Hawkeye

God, Beej. Can I--?

He goes to open his fly, but stops himself, waiting for permission.

BJ

Are you sure no one’s gonna see you?

Hawkeye

At this point, MacArthur himself could waltz in and I wouldn’t even notice.

BJ laughs, nods. HAWKEYE frantically opens his fly and starts stroking himself.

BJ

(gravelly)

_Slower._

HAWKEYE shudders and nods, slows down.

BJ

And I’m not pulling this out of thin air, either. Peg talks about it.

Hawkeye

(slightly out of breath)

Really?

BJ

Yep. You know those notes I write in invisible ink on the backs of my letters, telling her about all the things you and I get up to. Telling her how gorgeous you look with my cock in your mouth, those sounds you make when you come.

Hawk makes a choked-off noise, hoping no one hears him. His hand speeds up on his cock.

BJ

She writes me back, too, telling me all the things she wants to do to me, to you. All the ways she thinks about fucking you.

BJ’s starting to sound a little worked up himself, but his hands don’t move from his sides. He knows this hold he has on Hawk won’t last long, and disobeying Peg comes with consequences.

BJ

I told her about that first time in the supply tent, with you on top of me, and she went on and on about how much she wanted to see you like that. How much she wanted to bend you over the couch. Or maybe sit on your face while I’m inside you.

Hawkeye

(groans)

She’s tiny, she’d fit perfectly.

BJ

Yep. For only being 5’1”, she has a lot of ideas that involve bending you over things. Spanking you, fucking you, watching me fuck you.

HAWKEYE covers his mouth with his free hand, trying in vain to stop the noises from spilling out.

BJ

I wonder what she’d do if she saw you like this. Putting on a show for her. For everyone, actually. Did you even notice the sides of the tent were open, or are you just that much of a slut?

Hawkeye

(uncovering his mouth)

Beej, _please--_

BJ

(innocently)

Hmm?

Hawkeye

Can you-- please--

BJ

Use your words, sweet boy.

Hawkeye

Help me out here?

BJ shakes his head.

BJ

Uh-uh, honey. If I don’t get to come, you don’t get my help, either. No matter how much I wanna get my mouth on you.

HAWKEYE whines, his eyes snapping shut.

BJ

You getting close?

HAWKEYE nods frantically. BJ drops from the cot onto his knees and shuffles over to hold HAWKEYE and growl in his ear, shielding him from prying eyes outside the tent.

BJ

Should I let you finish? After all, you won’t let me. Doesn’t seem fair.

Hawkeye

(hoarsely)

Beej, please.

BJ

(teasing)

Please what, babe?

Hawkeye

Please let me come, Beej. I’ll make it up to you.

BJ

Really?

Hawkeye

(sheepishly)

Once Peg lets me.

BJ

Hmm. Make it up how?

Hawkeye

I’ll do whatever you want.

BJ

How about you send Peg a telegram, and I’ll arrange for some R&R, where I can fuck you until you can’t breathe? Would you like that, honey?

HAWKEYE cries out and spills into his hand, BJ rubbing his back soothingly and kissing his neck.

BJ

That’s it. That’s my boy.

They kiss as HAWKEYE comes down. HAWKEYE suddenly starts laughing.

Hawkeye

Is this what I’ll get every time I leave you hanging?

BJ

Pretty much.

Hawkeye

You _promise?_

BJ

(laughs)

Promise.

Hawkeye

All right, I’ll keep leaving you hanging, you keep doing that thing you just did.

(They laugh.)

Goddamn, Beej, I didn’t know you had that in you.

BJ

Yeah, well, Peggy Jane really has a way with words. I just took a page out of her book.

Hawkeye

Her book must be the Moby Dick of sex ideas. She’s a fount of inspiration.

HAWKEYE wipes himself off with a discarded undershirt, then tucks himself back into his pants. He picks up his knitting basket and kicks his feet up onto the stove. BJ flops onto his cot and leans back with his hands behind his head, satisfied with himself.

BJ

Okay, it’s your turn. Tell me a fantasy.

Hawkeye

Picture, if you will, a crisp winter afternoon. You, by a crackling fire, in a smoking jacket.

BJ

Mmm. What color?

Hawkeye

Red, with blue lapels. And a zipper down the back.

BJ

What for?

Hawkeye

You’ll see.

END OF DELETED PAGES

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who spots the exchange I ripped off from The Dick Van Dyke Show wins a prize.


End file.
